Coming around again
by Lothiriel84
Summary: "It was a mistake, we both know it. Don't we?" Jane dropped his head ever so slightly. "Yeah." - Title from the namesake song by Carly Simon.


_**Author's note: **Set at some indefinite point in the future. Don't actually know whether this story satisfies me or not - I guess I'm going to leave any judgment to the readers..._

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**Coming around again**

He didn't dare to raise his eyes on her as she paced the room nervously.

At length she stopped abruptly – her arms wrapped around herself in a desperate attempt to keep calm.

"It was a mistake, we both know it. Don't we?"

Jane dropped his head ever so slightly. "Yeah."

He'd always known _that_. Two damaged, emotionally scarred people like the two of them couldn't reasonably expect any happy ending.

Yet he had hoped for it nevertheless. He cared for her after all – and it was pretty much obvious that she cared for him too.

It had felt kind of right for them to get married once Red John had been finally out of their way.

They had assumed it wasn't going to be easy. However, time had shown that _not easy_ was very much of an understatement. For the few months of their marriage had been absolute hell.

He was still dealing with his feelings of guilt about his former family. A small part of his brain kept on blaming him for cheating on Angela and their little child. The other part couldn't help reminding him that he didn't actually deserve someone who loved him.

Teresa on the other hand wasn't ready to overcome her major trust issues – both about herself and Jane. Not to mention the fact that her troubled childhood didn't make the concept of family any easier.

They ended up hurting each other more than they could endure. For the worst part of it wasn't the pain that each of them felt – it was the awareness of causing pain to the last person they were willing to.

It looked as if there was just one way out – though neither of them was quite prepared to accept it.

He took a deep breath. "So… what are we going to do about this?"

"I don't know."

Her voice sounded so utterly forlorn that Jane felt the sudden impulse to step closer and gather her in his arms. He didn't though – too afraid to hurt her once more.

"I've always wanted you to be happy, Teresa."

The slightest of smiles curved her lips. "I know that."

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

A heavy silence followed.

"Some people never get their happy ending, do they?"

Her attempt at humor didn't quite come across as intended.

"Life isn't fair. That's it."

"Yeah."

"Sometimes I wonder how things would have gone if we had met under different circumstances. No Red John, no grief, no burdens from our respective pasts. Just you and me."

She laughed mirthlessly. "Well, you'd still be married to your late wife then."

Jane looked straight into her eyes. "I actually meant no Angela and Charlotte as well."

He heard her gasping before she started to tremble. Half afraid that she was going to faint he closed the distance between them and wrapped a supportive arm around her waist.

"You alright?"

She didn't answer – her fingers desperately clinging to the lapels of his jacket.

"Teresa, please, say something."

"Did you really mean that?"

The odd tone she had just used absolutely startled him. For it sounded so different – almost hopeful, he would dare to say.

"Did I mean what?"

"That you can imagine your life without _them_ – even for a single moment."

He blinked a couple of times. "I guess I do, at least from time to time. I know it's unfair – I should be able to reconcile my previous family with my new one – but…"

To his utter surprise she stood on tiptoes and tentatively brushed her lips against his.

"It's okay. We can work on that – together."

His arms tightened around her as he relished their hug. It'd been a while since the last time she had felt so relaxed in his embrace.

"What about us being a mistake?"

"Since when did you start worrying about your own mistakes?"

That had him finding a grin of his own. "That's a good point."

"Don't I know you well?"

He kissed her lightly. "Of course you do."

"Just promise me one thing, Patrick."

"Sure."

"I want you to tell me whenever I hurt you – so that I can try to adjust things."

"As long as you do the same for me."

"Deal."

She snuggled even closer to him, burying her face into his shoulder.

"You know, you're very cuddly today. I like it."

He'd meant that as a way to lighten her mood, so it took him aback when he felt her stiffening all of a sudden. What on Earth was bothering her now?

His hand began drawing soothing circles on the small of her back. He could feel the tenseness of her body – as if she had remembered something that either worried or scared her. Well, maybe both of these things.

Of course their relationship wasn't going to turn into a bed of roses all of a sudden. Yet he sensed that her latest issue was about something slightly different. Related, but different.

He kept on running his fingers along her waist, in order to better read her body language.

It was only when his thumb skimmed under her shirt and grazed her hip that a much unexpected hunch crossed his mind. Then he purposely slid his hand between them, so that he could brush his thumb on the soft skin of her belly.

Teresa shivered and let out an almost inaudible gasp.

Feeling thrilled and frightened in equal measure, he forced himself to conceal his reactions.

He placed a soft kiss on her hair instead.

They'd talk about _this_ in due time. No need to rush things right now.

He silently vowed to do his best to assure the happiness of his new family – no matter what.


End file.
